In her later years, Doris Day lived a private life, distancing herself from Hollywood and focusing on animal welfare. While she remained in touch with a small circle of close friends, access to her was tightly controlled. Even her only grandson, Ryan Melcher, was unable to see her, despite their once-close bond.
Doris Day’s only child, Terry Melcher, built a successful career in the music industry, working with bands like the Beach Boys and the Byrds. He also had a family of his own, including his son only, Ryan. For years, Ryan and Doris shared a close relationship.
But after Terry died in 2004, things changed. Ryan later claimed that outside influences prevented him from seeing his grandmother, cutting off all contact. When she died in 2019, he wasn’t notified by family or friends — he learned about it through social media.
Doris Day’s Career and Life in Seclusion
Doris was one of the most celebrated stars of the 1950s and 1960s, known for films like “Romance on the High Seas” (1948), “Calamity Jane” (1953), “Love Me or Leave Me” (1955), and “Pillow Talk” (1959). She became America’s box-office sweetheart, with a career spanning film, television, and music.
Doris Day pictured on January 1, 1960 | Source: Getty Images
By the 1960s, she was one of the highest-paid actresses in the industry. In 1968, she transitioned to television with “The Doris Day Show,” which ran for five seasons before ending in 1973. By the mid-1970s, she left acting entirely, with her last television special airing in 1975.
Doris Day as Carole Templeton in the movie “Lover Comeback” on January 1, 1960 in Los Angeles, California | Source: Getty Images
After leaving Hollywood in her early 50s, Doris dedicated herself to animal welfare, founding the Doris Day Animal Foundation. She moved to Carmel, California, where she lived in seclusion, rarely making public appearances.
Doris Day speaking at a press conference on July 16, 1985 in Carmel, California | Source: Getty Images
In one of her last interviews, Doris stated, “I love life. I have my pets around me and good friends. I’m young at heart and I love to laugh. There’s nothing better.” According to her close friend and business manager, Bob Bashara, she avoided conversations about death.
Doris Day at the 46th Annual Golden Globe Awards in Beverly Hills, California on January 28, 1989 | Source: Getty Images
She even made it clear in her will that she did not want a funeral, memorial, or grave marker. She also didn’t like to talk about death even when it came to her beloved animals. “She had difficulty accepting death,” Bob recalled.
Doris Day with her dogs in California in 1951 | Source: Getty Images
He added, “I’d say we need to provide for her dogs [after her death], and she’d say, ‘I don’t want to think about it’ and she said, ‘Well, you just take care of them.'” Bob seemed to be the closest person to his employer, even though she had a living close relative.
Doris had been married four times, but she had only one child—her son, Terry Melcher. She welcomed Terry during her first marriage to Al Jorden, but after their divorce, her third husband, Martin Melcher, legally adopted him.
Doris Day and her son Terry Melcher at the Monterey Film Festival on February 7, 1987 | Source: Getty Images
Terry built a successful career in the music industry. He later started a family of his own, raising his son, Ryan Melcher. Although Doris had always been close to her grandson, their relationship changed in the years following Terry’s death in 2004.
Ryan Melcher’s Relationship with Doris Day
Throughout his childhood, Ryan spent time at his grandmother’s home regularly, and she remained actively involved in his life. But after Terry passed away from melanoma, things changed. Ryan later revealed that after his father’s death, Doris invited him to dinner so they could reconnect.
But before the dinner could take place, her business manager at the time, Bob, stepped in. Ryan was asked to meet Bob at the family-owned Cypress Inn in Carmel, where he was questioned about why he wanted to see his grandmother.
“I just responded, ‘Um… she is my grandmother!’” Ryan recalled. However, he was told, “I’m afraid you aren’t going to be able to see your grandmother,” with Bashara citing Ryan’s parents’ divorce as the reason. From that point on, Ryan was completely cut off from Doris.
He later learned that longtime board members of her animal foundation had been removed and replaced by people close to Bob. For years, Ryan remained silent about the situation. It wasn’t until after his grandmother’s death that he publicly shared his experience.
Ryan Found Out About His Grandmother’s Passing Through Social Media
On May 13, 2019, Doris passed away at the age of 97 at her home in Carmel. According to Bob, she had been in good spirits at her birthday celebration just a month prior. However, she later developed bronchitis, which worsened and led to her decline.
She received hospice care in her final days and passed away peacefully, surrounded by a small group of close friends. Ryan, however, was not among those informed of her passing. Two days later, he shared a heartbreaking revelation on Facebook.
“I received the news of my grandmother’s passing like many of you—I awoke and read the news in a social media feed,” he wrote. He expressed gratitude for the outpouring of condolences from fans but also reflected on his painful estrangement from Doris.
Ryan revealed that after being cut off from her, he chose not to fight back, fearing that his efforts would only cause her more stress. “Looking back, I should have said more; should have driven to her home and not let a stranger come between us,” he admitted.
Ryan’s post shed light on the family rift that had kept him away from his grandmother for over a decade. It also raised questions about who had control over Doris’ final years and the decisions made on her behalf.
Hollywood Walk of Fame star of legendary actress/singer Doris Day, who died on May 13, 2019 | Source: Getty Images
Fans React to Ryan’s Story
Ryan’s revelation about learning of his grandmother’s passing through social media resonated with many people. Supporters flooded his post with comments, expressing sympathy and outrage over the situation.
One person wrote, “Very sorry for your loss and sorry you were not able to say goodbye to her.” Another added, “She would be so proud of who you are today. Big hugs.” Others were saddened by how the situation unfolded, particularly given how close Ryan and Doris had once been.
Others encouraged Ryan to cherish the memories he had with Doris despite the circumstances.“What an amazing woman to have as your grandma… cherish the memories you have and stay strong, my friend,” one commenter wrote.
Despite the painful circumstances surrounding his estrangement from his grandmother, Ryan has since moved forward in his life, building a career and starting a family of his own.
Ryan’s Life Today
Ryan has built a successful career in real estate and is based in Carmel, California—the same town where his grandmother spent her final years. On September 30, 2023, Ryan married Brittney Giammanco in a ceremony that carried a special family connection.
The couple walked down the aisle to “Kokomo,” a song co-written by Ryan’s father, Terry. Brittney wore a flowing white Enzoani gown with custom sleeves that matched her train, while Ryan wore a cream-colored suit and tie.
In February 2025, Ryan and Brittney welcomed their daughter, Madison Marie Melcher. Fans who saw the news congratulated the couple, with one commenting, “She may just resemble her great grandma a bit. Congratulations!” Another wrote, “Such a perfect little family.”
Others expressed their happiness for Ryan, with one saying, “Congratulations, family!” Ryan, once cut off from his own family, now has one of his own.
